do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed
495,571 people whose mama taught them right
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Ever since I made this blog the goal was to get better and be healthy and for a while that worked. I lost weight and i became more happy with myself then ever.
But then I got sick and I got all of these scary symptoms ,
I couldnt breath, had to go to the emergency after my birthday week, been to see te doctor alot and had my blood taken three times. First thing was vitamine D lack, so I got medication, but the symptones didnt stop.
Headache, back pain, throat aches, bone pain, wrist pain, rib pain, problems breathing, pain in the chest, tired, sleeping 24-7 emotionally unstable, cant sleep at night, cant wake up in the morning,.
Leg pain. Panick attacks x3. Fingers pain. Cramping. Organ pains. Feeling vague, on the border of becoming dizzy. Experiencing discomfort. Getting depressed, crying alot, feeling alone, over thinking, unhappy, sad, not knowing what and how anymore, just laying there doing nothing. Headaches. Seeing my veins all over my body while I never did so. Feeling exhausted. Drained.
Notice how some are thicker? Those were the one´s I got before my first anxiety- panick attack. This was 4 - 8 weeks after first experiencing problems.
Notice some are italic? Those were the ones I experienced after my first anxiety and panick atacks. I have had those problems roughly from 8 week till a couple weeks ago it suddenly ( The anxiety ONLY dissapeared, no feelings of anxiety or panick whatsoever)
The one´s that are neither before or after,? but what i´m currently experiencing.
I had problems before my anxiety, you cant say this is all anxiety. No. I cant believe such a thing, something is wrong. I just feel it. Its a feeling.
I got pills, vitamine pills, then they suggest pain killers, after that came anxiety pills and I even got muscle relax pills at the very end of my doctor journey. My last doctor didnt´ take me seriously, ( my regular doctor was on a vacation) but despite what he said, I know something is wrong and i´m going to my own doctor again soon hoping she can try and help me for the so manys times…..
In the first 3-8 weeks I have been to the doctor alot, blood drawn alot, which results in panick attack since I have a huge anxiety for needles. I sit there, all good, she brings out the needle and I go out. I started crying, shaking and get troubles breathing and crap and untill the needle is out and gone I am not able to do anything. Yes, that sucked big time. But I did it. I´m so proud of myself. Been to a chiropractor. DIdn´t help. But he referred me to someone, then my doctor made the appointment and here I am, I went to a psychiatrist..
and two weeks ago I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and public anxiety.
I still have other sympthones which causes me to be in bed pretty much each day until my body gives me false hope everything is fine again yet the next day im back where I left off.
Nobody takes me serious anymore when I have something, everything is slowely starting to become a it’s all in your mind thing. And maybe it is.
The scariest part is that my anxiety is something that I don’t even know I had. Everything is subconsciously, going behind my back without me knowing until my body gives in and it attacks me on the inside with pain and anxiety. I’ve gotten three panick over two days before I got diagnosed, nothing after happend.
My mum can’t help me and she doesn’t seem to understand as well. She tries to but she thinks I just need to go outside and live life but that’s not what’s holding me back. I can’t go outside because I have no one to go to and i can’t do anything fysically before starting to feel ill on the inside. Laying down is what helps and what only helps.
My self esteem oh so high has been brought down because all i can do I sleep and be still on my bed hoping that one day it’ll all just end and I can continue doing the things I love. It’s not a choice, a choice is something you give or get but my body is making that decision himself. I feel ugly, worthless and fat. I gained weight again in three months now and I feel heavier then I’ve ever been. I don’t feel happy anymore at all and I rather not even go outside looking like this. But hey? Guess my anxiety did do something which I’m actually pleased with. Not being able to go outside.
I don’t know anymore. One part of me says he come on let’s do it while another part of me says hey let’s ask mister anxiety. Does he want this? Can I do this? I feel tied to my bed. I’m trying to stay positive but after three months im so done. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t. I just want to lie here cry all day and dissappear In to my sorrows and then wake up when it’s all good and gone. The scariest thing is that it might never be as it was.
My friends don’t understand it that well either but I don’t blame them. Do I understand it that well myself? Just because I do have a nice mum or I so have something which they don’t have doesn’t mean I can’t be sad. “Atleast your mum is nice” “Atleast your drawings don’t suck like mine” “Atleast your not ugly like me” “Atleast you don’t have school anymore” “Atleast your dad tries” ‘Atleast you have some friends” “Atleast you can live on the street when you can’t afford anything anymore” “Atleast your skinny, im so fat ” I can’t be sad. Because others have it worse. And the scariest thing about that? My ex friend said that to me one day and he found that I was being rude for getting pissed of, cause it’s true. I can’t complain about what I go through cause I always talk about my problems. I never say anything positive. I never listen to people, but I try, I just can’t take any more problems in im broken and fucked up inside, they expect me to be there for them yet when I talk about myself im being egocentric and always talking about myself. I can’t be sad cause who knows? Maybe “atleast I have a couch when they have a chair ” so obviously whatever I have doesn’t matter cause I have one thing that they don’t have meaning, well, I can’t be sad. Never. I shouldn’t complain. And this is exactly why I hurt alone.
Not Enough στο We Heart It.
More cc ‘cause I can’t control myself. Yay! This time it’s a custom shaped cropped top with floral pattern (yes I love me some floral). I’m still working on the other recolours fo this piece, so that’s it for now. Here’s the swatch (it’s under bras):
EVERYONE WHO REBLOGS THIS POST BY AUGUST 20TH WILL GET A PIECE OF ART IN THERE INBOX BASED ON THEIR BLOG
Girls get mocked for liking high heels and lipstick. Girls get mocked for liking sports. Girls get mocked for liking tea and books. Girls get mocked for liking comics books and video games. Girls get mocked for liking math and science. Girls get mocked for liking boys. Girls get mocked for liking girls. Girls get mocked for liking both. What the fuck are we supposed to like? Water? Air? Come on, tell me. I’m dying to know.
If you were raped, it wasn’t your fault.
If you were hit, it wasn’t your fault.
If you were molested it wasn’t your fault.
If you were abused in any way, it wasn’t your fault.
I don’t care WHO abused you or WHY, it wasn’t your fault.
It wasn’t your fault.
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What I mean when I say “I can’t do that”- Anxiety Version:
- I am unable to do that
- I am too stressed out to do that
- I cannot face the humiliation of attempting to do that
- My body will physically not allow me to do that
- I am on the verge of a panic attack
- I cannot do that
What people hear:
- I am unwilling to do that
- I am just shy
- I am overreacting
- I am lazy
- I need to get more experience in social situation to help my anxiety
- I need a push
- I don’t want to do that
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